Confrontation vs Conflict

I often hear the phrase “I hate confrontation” when I actually think these people are telling me they hate conflict. 

These two things are different from one another; conflict is usually where two opposing sides simply cannot agree or negotiate which can lead to difficult experiences and emotions. Confrontation is about addressing problems or bringing them to light. 

I think the two things become confused. I often see clients who ‘hate confrontation’ as a coping mechanism for a sense of ‘safety’ i.e. “if I just don’t say anything then the discomfort feeling will pass or go away...”

Sadly, the more we ignore our inner compass (our own discomfort) the more conflicted we feel individually. In relationships it is imperative to share with our loved one when we are feeling in a state of discomfort i.e. to address or confront these feelings. It is only when we feel safe in our relationships that we can do so and guess-what? We can only *test* that safety in the relationship by confronting difficulties. 

When we share with our loved ones how we feel when we are in discomfort, it gives them the opportunity to respond to us and adapt to our needs. It forges trust and reliability; the backbone of a relationship.